


The Mechanic (a study in conversations)

by ammcj062



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Supernatural
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Gen, Rodney is a sore loser, Snark, various token expedition members
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-06
Updated: 2013-03-06
Packaged: 2017-12-04 11:22:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/710247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ammcj062/pseuds/ammcj062
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone's been fixing Jumpers without Rodney knowing it. He and John make a bet on who can find the mysterious mechanic first.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Mechanic (a study in conversations)

“Alright, which one of you fixed the Jumper? I could kiss you right now. Seriously, I want to. Colonel Sheppard’s been moaning for  _weeks_  about losing her. Step right up and get a smack on the lips from the most intelligent man you’ll ever have the honor of meeting.”  
  
“I do not think that is as much an incentive as you think it is, Rodney. Besides, the Jumper has not yet been fixed. Our schedule is so busy it’s not slated for even diagnostics until next week.”  
  
“What – seriously? I know  _I_ was too busy, but there must be one of you that could put your less important projects aside for a day or two for some simple rewiring.”  
  
“Once again you are making overestimations.”  
  
“Quit complaining, Zelenka. You’re the laziest of them all. But that begs the question – if one of  _you_ didn’t fix it, who’s been messing around with my Jumpers? I know the difference between a broken and a fixed Jumper, and that one was fixed.”  
  
“Perhaps one of the Marines – “  
  
“Please. If the Marines could do basic repairs half the Jumpers wouldn’t be in the maintenance bay. No, it had to be a scientist. Maybe one of the botanists got bit by an intelligence-boosting plant?”  
  
“Maybe you should go away and find them.”  
  
“Hmm. Maybe I should. This is why I keep you around, Zelenka; occasionally you have useful ideas.”  
  
“Užitečný nápad by bylo pásku hubu…”  
  
\--  
  
“Rodney, you only eat this much when something’s really bothering you. We haven’t been on a mission lately and I know nothing interesting has shown up in the labs recently, so what’s up?”  
  
“How would you know what does and doesn’t show up in my lab?”  
  
“Who ever said it was your lab?”  
  
“By virtue of being chief scientist, every lab is my lab. And you still haven’t answered my question, Colonel.”  
  
“Well maybe you should try answering mine.”  
  
“Are you sure you’re old enough to be in the military?”  
  
“Ha-hardy-ha. Now seriously, what’s up?”  
  
“Nothing. Your Jumper is fixed, by the way, so you can stop whining at me for it.”  
  
“I asked you  _once._ ”  
  
“In a very strong manner!”  
  
“But at least you finally stopped procrastinating and fixed it!”  
  
“Hm. Yes.”  
  
“You didn’t fix it, did you?”  
  
“Well… No. Not exactly. But it was on the task list for the labs, which is almost the same thing!”  
  
“So, who? Zelenka?”  
  
“Erm.”  
  
“Coleman?”  
  
“Not…”  
  
“Ambrose?”  
  
“I don’t know!”  
  
“Ok, ok. Calm down. It’s just a question.”  
  
“I’m a very busy man, you know. I don’t have time memorizing everyone’s names like  _some_ people with too much time on their hands.”  
  
“But normally you don’t care this much about me asking.”  
  
“So what?”  
  
“So you’re being suspicious,  _Rodney._ ”  
  
“Suspicious? About what?”  
  
“Who fixed the Jumper?”  
  
“Is that a statement or a question? Because seriously, it’s hard to tell when you use that tone of voice whether you are asking or not, and specificity is key to good communication or at least that’s what the leader’s workshop said when I took it before becoming chief scientist –”  
  
“You went to a  _leadership worksh_  – no. First tell me about the Jumper.”  
  
“Are you sure? The workshop is actually a good story…”  
  
“Rodney.”  
  
“There’s not much to tell: it broke, got fixed, and now it’ll be usable for our next mission. Which means instead of interrogating me you should be saying ‘thank you, Rodney, I know you know you’re the smartest person on the expedition but everyone could use some validation so let me tell you I think you are an absolute genius and I should stop whining at you to fix things a preschooler could handle.’”  
  
“Yeah? If a preschooler could handle it then why did we have to hike back to the Gate during monsoon season?”  
  
“Quit complaining it was a little light rain.”  
  
“I’m not the one who called it that!”  
  
“Obviously I couldn’t fix an  _electrical_ system in the  _rain._ How do you not know these things? I mean seriously, even you should be able to figure it out.”  
  
“Well then who  _did_ fix it?”  
  
“That’s what  _I’m_ trying to figure out!”  
  
“Hah!”  
  
“…Damnit.”  
  
“Why can’t you find out who fixed? All lab projects are on a roster.”  
  
“Because it wasn’tscheduleduntilnextweek wow, what is this? Some kind of not-cheesecake? It’s delicious! Would you like some, Colonel? Speak now because I’m seriously going to eat it in two seconds.”  
  
“Next  _week._ ”  
  
“-glmph.”  
  
“You said you’d put it priority!”  
  
“Well some things are higher priority than your favorite pet!”  
  
“You  _said_ the minute you had free time you’d take a look.”  
  
“Why are we arguing about this anyway? It’s fixed!”  
  
“ _Rodney._ ”  
  
“What! Why are you focusing on the ‘next week’ part? Isn’t the fact someone  _we don’t know is messing with our Jumpers_ more important?”  
  
“You  _promised.”_  
  
“Well when you say it like that I feel all guilty inside.”  
  
“Maybe if you had fixed it you wouldn’t be feeling so guilty. And then maybe you’d know who fixed my Jumper.”  
  
“Excuse me,  _my_ Jumper. I’m the one who puts all the work into her. And just because I don’t know who fixed it  _now_ doesn’t mean I can’t find out.”  
  
“Bar of chocolate says I can find out first.”  
  
“Please, Colonel, it would literally be taking candy from a baby. At least up the stakes a bit.”  
  
“Ok. When I win, you  _guarantee_ the next three times  _my_ Jumper needs repairs you’ll do next-day service.”  
  
“What am I, a car mechanic? Those are very delicate systems and there’s no guarantee they won’t one day just not start up. On top of that, I am a very busy man with a lot of projects to handle.”  
  
“You chicken?”  
  
“You’re on, Colonel. When  _I_ win, the next three times  _our_ Jumper needs maintenance you will not say one word about me not working fast enough, and when it’s done you will publicly thank me at the next briefing about my hard, laborious work that keeps everyone in this place flying and not hiking around like we were back in the stone age.  _And_ the chocolate bar.”  
  
“Deal.”  
  
\--  
  
“Why?”  
  
“Me and Rodney kinda have this bet going on about who can figure out who fixed the Jumper first. I know he thinks it was one of the scientists, but they all know procedure; they would have submitted a record of the repairs. Therefore it has to be a Marine. You hang out with them, so here I am.”  
  
“Hm.”  
  
“Come on, Ronon, it’s for a bet against  _McKay._ I have to win, and Lorne refuses to help because he thinks it would be cruel to out one of his guys to Rodney’s brand of scrutiny. Who’s the best guy at repairing field stuff? Whose squad never cancels due to technical problems?”   
  
“I get the chocolate bar.”  
  
“Then you can’t help Rodney.”  
  
“Winchester.”  
  
“Winchester? He’s from the latest batch, right? Great – and if Rodney comes around…”  
  
“Hm.”  
  
“Yeah, just like that. The only thing more effective than that look would be a lemon.”  
  
“I still don’t know what those are.”  
  
“I’ll get you one for your birthday.”  
  
\--  
  
“Teyla, you know he’ll be insufferable if he wins! You have to help me out here!”  
  
“As insufferable as you are being currently, Rodney?”  
  
“Come on, that isn’t even fair. I’m always like this. And it’s not like I’m asking for much!”  
  
“You wish for me to read through every personnel file in Atlantis in order to discover one person whose mechanical ability has already escaped  _your_ not inconsiderable intellect.”  
  
“Exactly! Just some basic secretary work to help me beat Sheppard.”  
  
“’Secretary’ work?”  
  
“It’s – ah, you know what? Never mind. You help would be invaluable. Pretty please?”  
  
“You will be reading through these files as well?”  
  
“Well, there’s this experiment in the labs I’ve been meaning to get to…”  
  
“It was not I who wagered against John.”  
  
“But obviously that can wait another day, because I’m coming down there to read boring bureaucratic files with you. That was an assumption from the beginning.”  
  
“Then I will help you. But it is only because I know I will hear no end to it until one of you has won.”  
  
“Have I ever said you’re my favorite team member?”  
  
“But if I am to do this, you must promise me you will try to fix the Jumper sooner in the future. The next planet we are to visit is very swampy, and we would all dislike trudging through those waters.”  
  
“John totally talked to you, didn’t he? No – no, I don’t want to know. I’m still going to beat him anyway. And yes, yes, I agree, fine, whatever. Faster fixes. Now, let’s go to the files. Maybe I can come up with an algorithm to help search through them easier, automate a program to search for reports wherein strange phenomena happened that would have any effect on someone’s cognitive abilities…”  
  
\--  
  
“Hello, Colonel.”  
  
“Rodney. How’s it going?”  
  
“Oh, nothing much. Just getting inevitably closer to finding out who fixed the Jumper. Have any luck with your blind guesswork?”  
  
“Oh, I’m sure my guesswork will turn up something sooner or later.”  
  
“Hah – My search is completely scientific and guaranteed to return results. You’re, what, interrogating all the grunts on the base in some wild hope one of them will confess? I’m sorry to tell you, Colonel, but you’re outclassed. Who’s this?”   
  
“Winchester, meet Doctor McKay. Rodney, meet Dean Winchester. He’s one of the soldiers from the latest deployment.”   
  
“Sir.”  
  
“Hm. Good luck with him, Sheppard. This one looks particularly incorrigible. It’s doubtful you’ll get anything from him.  I hope you have a chocolate bar ready because I want that part of my payment up front.”  
  
“Let the best man win, McKay.”  
  
“Oh, he will.”  
  
“Where are you going?”  
  
“Back to the lab. Important experiments to run and all that – you know, the important stuff I do when I’m not saving your ass offworld or being badgered into fixing machinery  _your_ clumsy fingers broke in the first place. The stuff that makes me scientific head of this expedition.”  
  
“See ya later, Rodney!”  
  
“Chocolate bar!”  
  
“So that’s Doctor McKay.”  
  
“I’d say he’s like that to everyone, but I don’t think it would help.”  
  
“Sir, I want to say I’ve met more arrogant humans…”  
  
“But Rodney is in a class of his own. I know. You won’t be working with him much, though. When we’re offworld Zelenka manages all the projects, and even when Rodney is on Atlantis he cherry picks his assignments. Alternate universe theories and Ancient power sources, mostly. Everything else he just checks in occasionally to make sure the project leader hasn’t gone off the reservation.”  
  
“Zelenka is the the Czech one?”   
  
“Yep. You won’t work for him at first. You’re going to start shadowing some of the regular maintenance guys, partly so they can get a handle on how much you already know and partly so you can get a feel for the general systems and how they should work before learning how to repair the suckers.”  
  
“I know most of that, sir.”  
  
“Yeah, well we’d like to make it official. I don’t want you blowing one of my ships sky high because you accidentally crossed two wires you’ve never tried out before. I’m not happy you’ve been mucking around before now, but we don’t let talent like that go to waste in Atlantis. So if you already know everything, now’s your chance to memorize it. Practice what you know, soldier.”  
  
“Yes, sir.”  
  
“Good.”  
  
“What about going off-world?”  
  
“We’ll keep you with your team. They might find themselves on security duty more often, especially at the beginning, but you’re still on the offworld roster.”  
  
“Yes, sir.”  
  
“Okay. Remember, Winchester, not a word of this to Doctor McKay.”  
  
“Absolutely.”  
  
\--  
  
“Sheppard!”  
  
“Yes, Rodney?”  
  
“You’re… doing paperwork? No – never mind I don’t want to know. Who’s this Marine you stuck onto  _my_ work roster for the Jumpers? Uh, Waterman?”  
  
“Winchester.”  
  
“That one. Why is his name on this?”  
  
“Why wouldn’t you want him on the roster?”  
  
“Why wouldn’t I? why  _would_ I? He’s a Marine! He shoots things and breaks things and now you’re letting him loose on my techs!”  
  
“The reports I got tell me everyone loves him down there.”  
  
“It’s only been two days. He’s still getting a read on the situation because he’s waiting for the right time to strike! It’s a basic infiltration tactic.”  
  
“Aw, Rodney, it makes me feel all gooey inside when you talk like that.”  
  
“I want him out.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“You already asked me that!”  
  
“I thought you wanted to hire the guy that fixed my Jumper.”  
  
“What does that have to do with him? And it’s not  _your_ Jumper, it’s a Jumper owned by the Atlantis expedition. So it’s only like a third yours. Weir and I own the other thirds and I’m not giving my share up. Wait a minute. What does Winshoulder have to do with the scientist that fixed that Jumper?”  
  
“Winchester.”  
  
“Whatever!”  
  
“You better start remembering his name, because that’s the guy that won me a chocolate bar.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“And three next-day repairs on  _my_  Jumper. You implicitly gave up your share in our little deal.”  
  
“What? No!”  
  
“It was in the wording.”  
  
“Colonel! You can’t be serious!”  
  
“You’re right. I still need to talk to Weir about giving up her claim.”  
  
“There’s no way that– that  _gunhead_  fixed that ship!”  
  
“C’mon, McKay, don’t be a sore loser.”  
  
“We haven’t confirmed the results yet! How do I know you didn’t just get one of the Marines to say he did it?”  
  
“You wanna test him? He’s down in the Jumper bay right now, helping with post-mission diagnostics. He is, after all, pretty good at it.”  
  
“Come on, Colonel. Your ruse is going to crash and burn.”  
  
“I’m not too worried. Winchester can always fix it up again. Or I could call in one of my three IOUs.”  
  
\--  
  
“Morrison!”  
  
“Mosley, Dr. McKay.”  
  
“Yes, you. Where’s that fraud?”  
  
“Sir?”  
  
“The – uh, What’s his name? Winscape.”  
  
“ _Winchester_ , Rodney.”  
  
“Yeah, him. Where is he?”  
  
“Over there.”  
  
“C’mon, Sheppard. You! Yeah, you with the buzz cut! Get your wrench out of that ship before you break something important! I know you don’t know what you’re doing; Colonel Sheppard told me everything.”  
  
“Sir?”  
  
“Don’t mind Rodney. He’s a sore loser.”  
  
“Only when I’m wrong! And I’m not, because you don’ t know a thing you’re doing, do you, Private?”  
  
“Lieutenant.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I’m a Lieutenant.”  
  
“Don’t interrupt me! You know what? Come here. No, not you. You stay there. Colonel, with me. Come on, over here. Let me see… Hand me those pliers. Now –”  
  
“Rodney!”  
  
“I can fix it! But I bet  _he_ can’t.”  
  
“Another chocolate bar?”  
  
“Wagers like that are beneath me. I’ve matured. Wingman! Get over here! These wires are going in my pocket. It’s your job to patch it up, using only what you have.”  
  
“Can I – “  
  
“No, get your own pliers! See, Sheppard, if he was a real technician he’d have his own pair.”  
  
“Those are my pliers, from my toolbox.”  
  
“Oh. Well, here you go. Not like it’ll help.”  
  
“Come on, Rodney, stop being a sore loser. I won, fair and square. It’s not my fault you were too stubborn to admit that a Marine with no mechanical experience could fix what you couldn’t.”  
  
“My dad was a mechanic, sir.”  
  
“See, now that doesn’t even count! If he’d written that down on his personnel file then I would have found him first, hands down!”  
  
“You went through the personnel files?”  
  
“Well –“  
  
“Rodney.”  
  
“Teyla did most of the reading! I just skimmed through the people I knew couldn’t have done it so she thought I was working too. Did you know Yamato is allergic to eel? Hey, Windboy, how you doing back there? Give up yet?”  
  
“Nearly done Doctor McKay. Just need to finish the bypass on the recycling mechanism and then this baby’ll run like nobody’s business.”  
  
“Overconfidence is a character flaw, you know.”  
  
“Well, test my work and then tell me that.”  
  
“Please. Like I’m going to test it. John, go see if the air filtration system is working.”  
  
“You messed with the – you know what? Never mind. Whatever. Sure.”  
  
“Ready to see who’s the real master of the Jumpers, squirt?”  
  
“Excuse me?”  
  
“Erm. Squad. I said squad. How’s it going up there, John?”  
  
“Still breathing, despite your best efforts.”  
  
“Quit lying!”  
  
“Get me my chocolate bar!”  
  
“If that’s all Dr. McKay, I have a Jumper to fix.”  
  
“What? Yeah, whatever, go. I’ll figure out how you did it eventually. You haven’t won yet you dirty cheater Colonel!”  
  
  
  
  
Translation (from google):  
užitečný nápad by bylo pásku hubu: a useful idea would be to tape your mouth shut

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the comment-fic prompt SPN/SGA, the Winchesters are on Atlantis for some reason and Rodney 'outs' Dean's mechanical brilliance. It's been sorta fudged but the gist of it is still there.


End file.
